


Crossroads & Crisis

by penguingal, Schnaucl (Onetrackmind)



Series: Triangulation [19]
Category: Numb3rs
Genre: Incest, M/M, comment porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-22
Updated: 2007-03-22
Packaged: 2017-11-21 04:40:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/593548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penguingal/pseuds/penguingal, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onetrackmind/pseuds/Schnaucl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The inequality in the relationship can no longer be ignored.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crossroads & Crisis

Charlie tried Don's apartment again and stifled a sigh when he reached his answering machine. He didn't bother leaving a message. It'd been almost a week since he'd seen Don for more than a few minutes, and that had been at work. It would have been easier if there were some kind of help he could offer on the case, but at this point there wasn't much he could do.   
  
He hesitated for just a moment before dialing Billy's apartment.  
  
"Hey buddy," Billy answered in a low drawl. "Figured you'd be mired down at the office with that big brother of yours. And before you ask, no, I haven't talked to him either."  
  
"I can't help him now. Feeling pretty useless, actually. You busy?"  
  
"Nope. Come on over. I've got beer and leftover Chinese in the fridge. Not exactly gourmet, but it's comforting," Billy said, not thinking twice about making the offer. By now he knew how to read the various tones in Charlie's voice and knew that he just needed to not be alone at the moment.  
  
"I'll be right there," Charlie said gratefully.  
  
....  
  
Traffic was light and it was less than half an hour before he was knocking on Billy's door.  
  
Billy answered the door in his loose comfortable sweats, having exchanged them for his work clothes almost as soon as he walked into the apartment. He let Charlie step inside and closed the door before planting a soft, chaste kiss on his lips. "Hi. You hungry?"  
  
"Starving," Charlie said, grinning. He slipped an arm around Billy's waist and followed him back to the kitchen.  
  
Billy wrapped his arm around Charlie's shoulders and pressed him against his side. All three of them had been wrapped up in one case or project or another, and they'd all felt the disruption in the happy rhythm they'd found together. Now he and Charlie were back and Don was still stuck. Biting back a sigh, he deposited Charlie at the counter and started digging in the fridge for the leftovers. He'd gotten in the habit of ordering Don and Charlie's favorites whenever he got take out, so he was certain there'd be something there Charlie would like. Once all the cartons were out, he handed Charlie a beer, kissing him lightly again.   
  
"You're okay?" he asked, looking in Charlie's eyes.  
  
"Yeah. Just--miss you guys." He shrugged one shoulder, a little embarrassed.  
  
"I miss you guys, too," Billy said, stroking his fingers down Charlie's neck. "Don'll get his head above water soon, and we'll be back to normal, you'll see," he said, opening a carton of food and placing it in front of Charlie.  
  
"Yeah. He usually tells me that this is what he feels like whenever I get involved in some new math concept and he doesn't see me for days. Thanks," he added, digging into the carton.  
  
Billy smiled, watching Charlie eat for a moment before digging in himself. It was a little stressful to lose Charlie to his world, one that he and Don had no hope of understanding, but it wasn't exactly the same. Hardly anyone ever got shot working at a chalkboard. Deep down, he knew Charlie was more worried about Don than he was willing to say. He pressed himself against Charlie's side, hoping that the feel and warmth of him would be at least some comfort, though he held no illusions that having him was the same thing as having Don.   
  
"I bet there's a movie or a game on," he said. "Wanna go sit on the couch?"  
  
"Yeah." Charlie gathered up his food and then settled on the couch curled into Billy. He tried not to worry about Don, that he was doing something dangerous or just working himself too hard.   
  
"I'm glad you're here," he said honestly.  
  
"Glad I could help," Billy replied, grinning at him and leaning down to kiss him. He kept his touches chaste and comforting. As comfortable as they'd gotten, they still hadn't really addressed this--Don or Charlie being with him without the other at least present.  
  
"I've missed this," Charlie said. "Missed just hanging out with you. And Don."  
  
"I've missed this, too. Things are so much more interesting when you and Don are around," Billy said honestly. He wrapped an arm around Charlie's shoulder, stroking his arm absently. He loved the feel of Charlie's body next to his and it had been too long since he felt it, as much as he tried to keep his thoughts from going that direction.  
  
Charlie smiled and gave Billy a quick kiss. "Do you think he'll be up for anything when he's finished or do you think he'll need to decompress first?"  
  
"I think there's a good chance that Don will want us to help him decompress," Billy smirked. He stroked a finger under Charlie's chin, tipping his head up. "Your mouth can do amazing things, after all." His voice had dipped into a low purr without him really realizing it and they'd both long since stopped paying attention to the movie. Deep down, he knew it was probably a bad idea, but he leaned down and captured Charlie's mouth in a deep, thorough, searing kiss anyway.  
  
Charlie moaned softly and with barely any hesitation he climbed into Billy's lap. He was aware that things were getting out of hand, and he dimly promised himself it was just for a few minutes. Just a few minutes of searing heat, of that taste that was uniquely Billy.  
  
Charlie's soft moan sent a shiver of pleasure through Billy that went straight to his cock. He knew they should stop this now before it got irreparably out of hand, but he wanted the feel of Charlie's skin badly. Slipping his hands under the hem of Charlie's shirt, he caressed the small of his back.  
  
"Too long," Charlie whispered. He leaned back against Billy's hands and pulled him forward for another kiss.  
  
Billy chuckled lightly, wondering how they'd ever gone without this for months on end and now they could barely go one week. "Far too long," he agreed, kissing the side of Charlie's neck. He slipped his hand further up Charlie's shirt, breaking the kiss just long enough to strip it off and toss it aside.  
  
"No fair," Charlie chided, reaching for Billy's shirt. "I shouldn't be the only one without a shirt."  
  
"Imp," Billy purred, stretching his arms over his head with just a momentary hesitation.  
  
"Positively demonic," Charlie agreed, tossing Billy's shirt aside. He ran his fingers lightly over Billy's pectorals and up along his shoulders and arms, still amazed by the differences between his body and Don's.  
  
Billy moaned softly, shivering as goosebumps broke out on his skin. He pulled Charlie closer, gasping as their groins met. "God, Charlie," he groaned, devouring his lips hungrily.  
  
Neither of them heard Charlie's phone ringing in his bag by the door.  
  
Charlie kissed Billy again and again, barely aware that he was also grinding against him. They were fierce, hungry kisses, and his fingers dug greedily into the skin of Billy's back.  
  
They should stop. Billy knew they should stop. If things went much further, they were both going to feel hopelessly guilty later, and he didn't want that. But fuck Charlie felt _good_ in his lap, and he just couldn't quite get the signal from his brain to the rest of his body. Grasping Charlie's wrist gently, he guided his hand down his chest and between his legs.  
  
Charlie stroked once, twice, before slipping his hands inside his sweats. Just a little taste of that hard flesh in his hand. Just a little, that was all.  
  
They didn't hear the key in the lock or the front door open and close.  
  
Don stopped dead in his tracks and just stared for a long moment, unable to comprehend the sight of Billy and Charlie together, their shirts off and Charlie's hand down Billy's pants. They made no sign that they'd heard him come in, and it took him almost a full 30 seconds to find his voice.  
  
"What the hell is going on?"  
  
Charlie jumped and twisted around, stricken by the mixture of hurt and anger on Don's face. He opened his mouth but nothing came out as he was flooded with guilt and shame.  
  
 _Shit_ , Billy thought. He was torn between wrapping a protective arm around Charlie and gently pushing him off his lap so they could be fully clothed again. He felt Charlie trembling against him and he put a soothing hand on his arm before reaching for their shirts.  
  
"I can't believe you two," Don said, his voice low and dangerous, though Billy would have almost preferred it if he were yelling instead of having to hear that hard note of betrayal.   
  
"Don--" Billy started, but Don cut him off.  
  
"Don't. Just... don't." He stared at Billy. "I can't believe I trusted you."  
  
Charlie got off Billy's lap and stood, but he didn't quite dare reach for his shirt. "That's not fair," he said, wishing his voice didn't sound so small and afraid. But he wasn't going to let Don put all the blame on Billy. They were equally guilty of hurting him. Of--betraying him. He felt sick.  
  
"I think of all the people in the room at the moment, I should get to decide what's fair or not," Don shot back. He ran a hand through his hair, feeling like the whole world was crashing down around him. Deep down, he knew that this would have happened eventually and that they were going to have to deal with it, but he'd wanted it to be on his terms.   
  
"And I can't believe you," he said to Charlie. "You couldn't wait for me? You had to go running to him?"  
  
"It wasn't--we didn't mean--" But what could he possibly say that would matter? They hadn't gotten together for sex, only companionship? They hadn't meant to let it get out of hand? It didn't matter, none of it mattered. He knew how profoundly betrayed he'd feel if the situation had been reversed. All his doubts and insecurities would have returned a thousand-fold. He had to swallow repeatedly against the rapidly rising bile in the back of his throat.  
  
Billy shrugged his shirt on and zipped up his pants. He placed a gentle hand on Charlie's arm as he stood. "It's okay," he whispered.  
  
"It's not okay," Charlie whispered. It felt like it would never be okay again. He tried to take some comfort from the fact that Don was still here, that he hadn't just turned around and left.  
  
Billy stayed well back from Don, knowing there was a good chance that he was just going to have a punch thrown at him. "I'm sorry, Don."  
  
Don's jaw clenched. "Is that all you have to say to me?"  
  
"What else can I say? I know you're angry and you feel betrayed, but did you really think that I might not have the same need to spend time alone with Charlie that you do? Or time with you that Charlie does? I hate the way this happened, and I know I fucked up. And if you want to hit me, I don't blame you," Billy said.  
  
"If I start, I might not stop," Don said tightly.  
  
Billy's eyebrows went up, but he stood his ground. It wouldn't be the first time he and Don had fought, after all. "If it makes you feel better," he said flatly.  
  
Don paused for a moment, and then took a step forward, his fist clenched.  
  
"No!" Charlie said, stepping between them. "I won't watch you two beat the living crap out of each other."  
  
The thought of just pushing Charlie aside and hitting Billy anyway flickered across Don's face, but he took a breath and backed off again. "I just can't believe you'd do this to me. After everything. Was this the first time?"  
  
"Of course it was," Billy said, a little indignant. "Don, how could you think--?"  
  
"Because I just walked in on the two people I love the most stabbing me in the back, that's how! He's _mine_ dammit and you knew that!"  
  
Billy bit his tongue to keep from screaming at Don. "No, he's not yours. He's his own man. And you chose this. I gave you plenty of chances to walk away. I wanted you to be sure that this is what you really wanted. I've been patient while you kept me at arms length, bit by bit letting me in. But you've made sure to keep this one thing from me because of the same jealousy that made you pull me off that sofa 2 years ago. Isn't it time we dealt with it?"  
  
Once Charlie was sure there wasn't going to be a physical altercation he pulled his shirt on. He could almost hear Don crack his molars, his teeth were clenched so hard.   
  
"It's not just Don's jealousy. It's mine, too. If it had been me--" If it had been him he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to truly trust Don again. He couldn't look at Don. He had no illusions about why Don was barely acknowledging his presence. It hurt too much. Billy he could handle, he could deal with his anger, his betrayal, but Charlie...  
  
Don's eyes flicked to Charlie, but _Jesus_ it hurt to look at him. All he could see was him straddling Billy's lap, his hand down his pants, and even though that image in other circumstances might have turned him on, now it just made his stomach twist painfully. "I think I'm going to be sick," Don said miserably, sitting down in Billy's armchair.   
  
Billy ached to go to him, but he didn't think he'd be able to handle being pushed away. It hurt so much to know that after all this time, they still didn't really trust him, and he's not sure after what happened tonight that he could blame them. "I'm sorry," he said again quietly, sitting down again. "Hurting either of you was the last thing I wanted to do. But don't think I don't know how you feel. I'm not saying what happened here wasn't wrong, but you are getting a taste of what it's like to be me in this happy threesome of ours."  
  
Charlie fought back another flinch. He took a seat on the couch at the opposite end from Billy.   
  
"It's not you I don't trust," Charlie said quietly. He took a breath, knowing he was treading on dangerous ground. "It's Don. And Don's feelings." He couldn't look at Don as he talked. Hell, he couldn't even look at Billy. Instead he focused resolutely on the floor.  
  
"I know that Don loves me. He--" He had to stop, swallow hard, and try again. "He may never forgive me for tonight, but he loves me. But it's _hard_ being together. Being with me means that we're breaking the law. The law you're both sworn to uphold. And it means lying to everyone but you, every single second of every single day. It means lying to our dad. It means not saying anything when he hints about grandchildren again, and worse, it means not being able to reassure him when he seems genuinely worried that Don and I won't know love, that we'll spend our lives alone. And telling him about you isn't a solution either because that means one of us could be a little more truthful and the other would have to keep pretending, keep lying. And to tell him the whole truth would absolutely kill him. It's _hard_ Billy. And I know it's not like you don't have to keep the secret, too. But you don't talk to your parents every single day, and if someone found out, you probably wouldn't lose your job and you definitely wouldn't end up in prison and be branded a sex offender for life.  
  
And you two have a history. He was _happy_ when he was with you. If you two wanted to, you could be open. Yes, it would be hard, and maybe even dangerous at work, but it is still _possible_. Even if some people might not like it, might make trouble, I think you'd have a lot of friends and supporters. I know our dad would be happy, once he got over the shock. Don could set his heart at ease.  
  
My deepest fear is that he'll want to leave me for you. And it won't even be because he doesn't love me anymore or he doesn't want me anymore. It will be because he's decided he's indulged himself too much, that he's messed up his priorities and he has to put Dad and the law and the world ahead of what he wants.  
  
And even if you don't let him, even if you won't be with him without also being with me--he'd still _want_ to not be with me. And everything would fall apart."  
  
He knew there was a very good chance he was just digging himself in deeper. He was hurting Don, he knew he was hurting Billy. If he had to lose Billy it would hurt like hell, but he would survive it. He wouldn't survive losing Don, losing what they had.  
  
Don gulped hard. He hated this feeling. He wanted to stay angry, to keep fighting, but the ache and sadness and sorrow in Charlie's voice wouldn't let him.   
  
"I'm afraid of that, too, Charlie, that you'll want to leave me, either for Billy or for someone else, for a lot of the same reasons. I've always worried that you'll meet someone else, someone more suited to you, someone you could be open with. It'd kill me to lose you. There's no way I could ever let you go. As angry and upset as I am about tonight, I could never leave you."  
  
Billy gnawed on his lip, afraid to ask the one question he thought he had to. "Is--Is this it? Are we over?"  
  
"No!" Charlie said instantly. "I'm not--I don't want that."  
  
Don licked his lips, looking from Billy to Charlie and back. "No," he said quietly, "no, I don't want that either."  
  
"Okay," Billy said, releasing the breath he was holding. He ran a hand through his hair and absently rubbed the back of his neck. "You know, I feel a little like I'm caught in your gravitational pull. I can't break free--I don't want to--but I can't change course either. And I have to be honest, that's wearing a little thin. Maybe that's why things got so out of hand tonight."  
  
"So what do you want?" Charlie asked quietly. He knew it wasn't fair to Billy, but he also wasn't sure he'd ever be able to love him the way he did Don. Love him, yes, but differently. And maybe, in his heart of hearts, not as deeply.  
  
Billy rubbed the back of his neck again, feeling the tension start to settle in his muscles. "Look, I know that I'm not the same for you as Don is, or vice versa, and I think I can handle that. It's the sacrifice I made to be with you. And I think I finally get the reality of your situation. I doubt I've made it any easier on you."  
  
He paused and licked his lips. "I want--I want to be your partner, both as a pair and as individuals. But I don't think that can ever happen. What I need to figure out is if I love you enough that it doesn't matter."  
  
"Should it?" Don asked quietly. His voice was rough with emotion, not anger this time, but a dull ache. "Billy, I love you. We both love you. And God knows, I'm pissed about before, but I don't want to lose you. But--because I love you I have to ask, should we be worth it? How much of yourself are you sacrificing for us? Are you sure that in three, ten, fifteen years you won't hate us for making you give up so much of yourself? Are you sure you won't hate yourself for letting it happen?"  
  
"I honestly don't know the answer to that, Don," Billy said, looking at his hands. "I know that you two have made me happier than I ever imagined being. You gave me a life that I never thought I could have after so many years of man hunting. Is this really such a big thing to give up in exchange for that? Either way, though," he stood, "I think this time it should be up to me whether I stay or go. And I think I had better be alone while I'm figuring that out."  
  
"Billy," Charlie said softly. But there was nothing else to say after that. He was right. It should be his choice. So he only nodded, biting his bottom lip hard.  
  
"I promise not to leave you hanging for too long," Billy said, moving resolutely to the door. Don and Charlie both stood in their places in Billy's apartment and all the emotions leapt into Billy's throat as he looked at them.  
  
"I love you both so much," he said, his voice hitching. He ached to touch them before he let them go, but he knew if he did, he wouldn't let them leave. "I'll talk to you soon. I promise."  
  
Charlie swallowed and nodded again. He stepped outside, unsure whether he should wait for Don. They had unfinished business of their own to deal with. In the end he stood uncertainly by his own car, waiting to see what Don would do.  
  
Don looked at Billy for a long moment before stepping reluctantly outside. He knew Billy was right, but he hated leaving like this, hated having all this stuff between them. When he saw Charlie waiting uncertainly by his car, he stopped for a moment, considering what he should do. He was still pissed and hurt, but he also felt strangely responsible for what happened. In the end, he walked over to Charlie and pulled him into a tight hug.  
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "If I drove you to that, I am so sorry."  
  
Charlie returned the hug just as fiercely. "This isn't your fault," he said quietly, firmly. "You didn't drive us to anything. Don, I-- why don't we go to your place and talk?"  
  
"That's a good idea," he said, pressing his lips to Charlie's cheek as he released him. "I'll meet you there."  
  
He took one last look at Billy's windows before climbing into his SUV.  
  
....  
  
Once Don and Charlie were gone, Billy sank down onto the couch, wondering just how things had gotten so fucked up so fast. When he'd asked Charlie to come over, he would never have dreamed that he'd end up having to decide his whole life and future. He wasn't even sure he knew where to start.  
  
....  
  
Charlie sat in his car for a few minutes, shaking with the force of the storm of emotions roiling inside him. He didn't know how this would all end. He wasn't even sure how he wanted it to end.  
  
Don fidgeted in his car the whole way to his apartment, a mix of awful emotions swirling inside him. He hated feeling so powerless and out of control, and he certainly had no idea what he was going to say to Charlie.   
  
He made it to his apartment first, leaving the door unlocked and open a crack for Charlie. He didn't want him to feel like he had to knock. After turning on some lights, he went to the kitchen and stared listlessly into the fridge, dimly aware that he hadn't had anything to eat in the last several hours.  
  
Charlie hesitated outside Don's door, feeling like he was being called into the dean's office. But that wasn't fair to Don. He really and truly had screwed everything up. The door was cracked open but he knocked lightly anyway.  
  
"Come on in, Charlie," Don called from the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water and heading for the living room, in the end deciding he was too upset to eat anyway. "This place is as much yours as it is mine," he said quietly, putting his hand on Charlie's shoulder as he walked past. "You don't ever have to knock."  
  
Don's words broke something inside Charlie. He reached out and pulled Don to him, holding him as tightly as he could. "I'm sorry," he said hoarsely. "I'm so sorry, Don."  
  
"I know, buddy," Don said, rubbing his hands up and down Charlie's back. "I know. Come on. Let's sit on the couch and talk."  
  
He wrapped an arm around Charlie's shoulder and guided him to the couch, sitting next to him. Now that the initial shock had started to fade, he thought there was a good chance that they'd be able to work through this.  
  
"You should be furious," Charlie said softly. "Not trying to make me feel better." He might actually feel better if Don yelled or screamed. Just--something.  
  
"Believe me, coming in and seeing you like that gave me the shock of my life. In that moment, I hated you both for doing this to me. But I can't deal with this and maybe losing Billy at the same time. I just can't. I know I love you, and I'm sure that one day I'll forgive you for this, but right now, I just need you." He took Charlie's hand and held it lightly in his.  
  
"Okay," Charlie said softly. "Okay. I'm scared too. And I'm not sure if that's because it might end--or because I'm not so sure that wouldn't be the best thing for Billy. And I think--I think I'm really worried about him, not just thinking that it would just be you and me and we wouldn't have to be jealous anymore, but I don't know." He spoke in a rush, miserable and afraid.  
  
"Even without Billy, I'd still be jealous," Don said. "No matter how long we're together, there's always going to be part of me that's afraid one day it will end because you're right. It is the hardest thing I've ever done. But I'm with you until death do us part, even if I never get to say that to anyone but you." He paused, kissing the top of Charlie's hand lightly.  
  
"As for what's best for Billy, only he can decide that. I just hope he doesn't live to regret it."  
  
Charlie's eyes burned and he pulled Don into another tight hug. "I love you," he whispered. "God, I love you." He pulled back a little and made himself look Don in the eye. "What happened tonight was wrong. Was--really, really wrong. But it _never_ would have happened with anyone but Billy."  
  
"Deep down, I know that, too," Don said, cupping Charlie's face and holding him close. "You're not the kind of person to indulge in casual flings. You're just not built that way. It's just going to take some time for me to get over the fact that it happened at all."  
  
Hesitating for just a moment, he pulled Charlie forward and kissed him softly.  
  
....  
  
Billy took a beer from the fridge and twisted the cap off. He was never going to be equal partners with Don or Charlie. While he and Don had a past together, a shared understanding of their professional lives, it wasn't anything like the ties of blood, danger and lies that bound the Eppes together. And with Charlie he didn't even have the connection of a shared past.  
  
Unlike Don and Charlie, he didn't have to worry about being left behind because in a way he already was.  
  
He pulled the rest of the six-pack from the fridge and took it with him to the couch, intent on getting himself slowly, pleasantly drunk. He had no idea if Don would ever forgive him for tonight, and he wasn't even sure if it was going to matter.   
  
Don wasn't wrong. It probably wasn't the healthiest thing to want to sacrifice so much for the two of them. But he'd already come so far. And he was happy, far happier than he deserved to be. What was one more step? And yet... he had his pride, too. And he didn't want to wake up one day and not recognize the man in the mirror. Or worse, recognize him but hate him.  
  
He took a long swallow of beer. It was just damn hard to know if this was part of a process of making things more equal or if there would always be a huge gap between himself and Don and Charlie. But hell, _most_ couples didn't share blood, and they seemed to manage partnership and near equality. Maybe not easily, but it was possible. So why was it so hard with Charlie and Don?  
  
Deep down, he knew that part of it was his fault. He'd never wanted to cross any lines or step on any toes, so he was willing to let them dictate, to put their needs above his own. He'd never taken the initiative to assert himself and his needs in this relationship unless they were already at a crossroads.   
  
Billy downed most of another beer. That was going to have to stop. There was no way a relationship could survive like that, and they all knew it. He knew he was risking losing them completely and this life he'd grown used to. That was a pain he wasn't looking forward to dealing with. But it was a risk he was going to have to take, for all their sakes.  
  
....  
  
"There's something else," Charlie said quietly. "Something Billy said. Don, I love you. You _know_ just how much I love you, how much I want to be with you. But Billy was right. I'm my own man. And loving you and wanting to be with you, giving myself to you in sex--that doesn't mean you own me."  
  
Don looked down where he was still holding Charlie's hand. "I know," he said quietly. "I'm sorry about that. I'm just so afraid of losing you sometimes, that I tend to hold on too tightly."  
  
"I know," Charlie said softly. "I do it, too." He reached out and stroked Don's cheek with one finger. "Especially after a bad case, or you get hurt, or I feel insecure about Billy or anyone one else."  
  
Don smiled softly, nuzzling into Charlie's touch. "We do belong with each other. That much can't be denied," he said. "I know we have more we need to talk about, but I'm wiped out. Will you stay with me?"  
  
"I'd like that," Charlie said softly. He kissed Don gently, more grateful than he would have thought possible that he'd be spending the night in his brother's arms.  
  
Don returned Charlie's kiss before getting up to lock the door and turn out the lights. This was far from over, but nothing could be done about it until later and he needed rest.   
  
....  
  
Billy avoided Don and Charlie entirely for the next three days, even though he ached to see them. He knew what he had to do, knew he had to tell them what his decision was, but he was still scared. Finally, unable to take it any longer, he went up to Don's floor. It was mid-afternoon and most of the other agents were at lunch. His heart twisted at the hopeful look Don gave him when he walked up.  
  
"Hey, Don," Billy said quietly. "I--If you and Charlie aren't busy tonight, we should talk."  
  
"Yeah, sure," Don said immediately. He tried to read Billy's expression, but this was one of the few times he was drawing a blank. "Uh--your place or...?"  
  
"My place is best, I think," Billy said. He wanted this to be as private as possible, and if Don and Charlie were uncomfortable, there wasn't much he could do about that.  
  
"Okay. Do you want to tell Charlie?" He wished he had some clue about which way Billy had decided.  
  
Billy shook his head. "You can tell him. Seven okay?"  
  
"Yeah, sure," Don said. He had no idea if this was good or bad and it bugged the hell out of him. More than that, it was just going to make Charlie nervous for the rest of the day.  
  
"Good. See you later," Billy said as he walked away.  
  
....  
  
"Well, what did he sound like?" Charlie asked for what must have been the fifth time.   
  
"He sounded like Billy, okay? Look, I can't do this now, I'm at work."  
  
"But--"  
  
"Charlie. I'll pick you up at six and we can be over at his place by seven. I have to go, I'm sorry."  
  
Charlie took a deep breath and tried not to sigh as he let it out. "Okay. I'll see you at six."  
  
He turned back to the boards and stared at the equations that had been flowing so freely a few minutes ago before Don called. Now they looked strangely empty to him. He sat down at his desk and stared out the window.  
  
Instinctively, Don reached for the packet of gum he kept on his desk, chewing the living hell out of a piece as he glanced at his watch. The next five hours were going to be hell.  
  
Billy didn't even bother returning to his desk. He made an excuse about hunting down some leads and drove around the city for hours. He'd never thought LA would feel so much like home, and if these were going to be the last few hours it was going to feel like that, he wanted to enjoy them.  
  
....  
  
Charlie waited impatiently for Don's SUV to pull up, but after the initial greeting (polite, brotherly, they were in public) there was only tense silence. Charlie wanted to ask about Billy again, see if maybe he could pick up some nuance that Don missed. But Don was better with people than he was, and if he kept pestering Don would only snap at him and they'd arrive at Billy's already in the middle of a fight.   
  
In the end he tugged Don's hand off the steering wheel and held it tightly while he stared out the window, trying not to think.  
  
"Yeah, I know," Don said quietly. "I'm scared, too." He squeezed Charlie's hand and let him hold on as he navigated the streets toward Billy's place.  
  
The door was open a crack when Don and Charlie reached it, and Don took a deep breath, glancing once at Charlie, before knocking and pushing it gently open. "Billy?"  
  
"In here," came Billy's voice from the living room. He was standing in the far corner, and his eyes lit when he saw them even though he wasn't smiling. "There's beer if you want."  
  
"No, thanks," Charlie said softly.  
  
"Not sure I could keep anything down," Don said with a weak smile.  
  
"Okay," Billy said, rubbing his hands together. "I promised I wouldn't leave you hanging, so I'll just get to it. I've given it a lot of thought. I--I want to stay. But something's got to change. I can't keep putting my needs below yours, and I know that part of how we got here is my fault for not saying this sooner. There are things that I want, and if we can't find our way to them, as much as it'll hurt for a very long time, I'm going to have to walk away." He spoke in a low rush, as if he stopped to breathe, he wasn't going to be able to continue.  
  
Don swallowed hard and abruptly sat down in the armchair. "What things?"  
  
Billy paced lightly. "I want my needs and feelings to always matter as much as yours and Charlie's do, not just when our relationship is in crisis. I want a voice. I want to be able to help decide things. And yes, I want equality. I want to be able to have you or Charlie on your own, for yourselves the way that you do with each other. Otherwise, I'll always be one step behind you and I don't think I could take that. I know it won't be right away, but we have to start working toward that because we can't keep going the way we are."  
  
"So...what does that mean?" Charlie asked quietly.   
  
"It means, Charlie, that I've been so afraid of coming between you and Don that I've kept silent and let things go when I shouldn't. I still don't want to come between you. But it means that sometimes I'll want time alone with you and sometimes I'll want time alone with Don, just like you two sometimes have time alone together.  
  
And maybe that means we'll have to talk about it at first, let the third person know what's going on. But if we stay together, I can see what happened the other day happening again. Not intentionally, but..."  
  
"... but because we love each other and sometimes it can't be helped," Don finished. "What about me and Charlie? Would--you want to be told when we're going to be together, just the two of us?"  
  
"I think it'd only be fair," Billy said. "I just want the same consideration you'd expect me to show you."  
  
Charlie barely caught himself from protesting that Don was his _brother_. He shouldn't have to ask permission. Except--Billy was right. They'd expect the same from him. Charlie glanced over at Don, wishing he could touch him. But putting himself with Don and leaving Billy alone wouldn't be smart just now, even he could figure that out. "Is it just--sex we're talking about? Or--date like things or?"  
  
"Sex, dates, any romantic time spent as a pair," Billy said simply. "Look, I know what I'm asking isn't easy and that it'll take some time to figure it all out. But I need to know that you're willing to try because otherwise, what's the point of continuing?"  
  
"Is there any way to make it seem less--restrictive? I know you're not asking us to do anything we haven't been asking you to do. I just--don't think I realized how restrictive it was. Maybe it would be okay to call after? I just want to still be able to do things on the spur of the moment. I am willing to try, Billy, I am. I just--don't want to feel like I have to ask permission and I'm sure neither of you do, either."  
  
"Would you be okay knowing if Billy and I were together after the fact?" Don said hoarsely. He felt the whole situation was sitting on his chest like a ton of bricks. He knew what Billy was asking was fair, but his head was still reeling.   
  
Billy took a deep breath and looked from Don to Charlie. "I don't expect to be asked permission for you two to be together. I just expect to be informed. If any one of us feels like the other two are sneaking around, it'll never work. I know things are just going to happen sometimes, that it won't always be planned and-and clinical. And I can be okay with that. If you can."  
  
Don turned things over and over in his head. He had been holding on to Charlie too tightly, and maybe he had to just loosen his grip for once. "It's going to be hard," he said quietly, "because I don't ever think I'll be totally unafraid that Charlie will leave me. But I'm willing to try."  
  
"And I'll never be totally unafraid that Don's going to leave me," Charlie said quietly. Especially as their dad grew older. "But I'm willing to try, too. I don't want to lose you, Billy."  
  
Billy almost sank to the floor with the flood of relief that washed over him. He managed to make it to the edge of the couch before his knees gave out entirely, and he put his head in his hands, shaking with the force of his emotions. Almost instantly, two warm bodies were pressed against his, arms wrapped around him, holding him close and tight, soft kisses pressed to his neck and shoulders.   
  
"I love you," he whispered, voice rough. "I love you both so much sometimes I don't know what to do with myself."  
  
"I love you, too," Charlie said softly. "I'm sorry it got this far."  
  
"I'm sorry, too," Billy said, putting his hand on Charlie's knee and squeezing. "Don--about what happened--I'm--"  
  
"I know you're sorry," Don interrupted. "And I know you didn't intend to hurt me. But I know why it happened. It doesn't mean I'm okay with it, but it does mean that one day I'll be able to forgive you."  
  
"He said the same to me," Charlie offered.  
  
"That's more than I deserve," Billy said, lifting his eyes to Don's gratefully. He placed a hand on the side of Don's neck. "Thank you."  
  
"If it had been anyone but the two of you..." Don said.  
  
"Then it wouldn't have happened," Billy said firmly.  
  
Don smiled a little ruefully. "Charlie said the same thing. And I do know that, but it'll still be some time before I can fully believe it, before I can fully trust you again. You understand that, right?"  
  
Billy glanced at Charlie, an apologetic look on his face. Part of him still blamed himself for this mess and for sticking Charlie in the middle of it. "Yeah, I understand that. And I'm going to earn that trust back. I swear it."  
  
"We both will," Charlie said quietly. "Whatever it takes."  
  
"I know you will," Don said, taking Charlie's hand and squeezing it, also holding Billy's hand. "I love you both. That'll never change." He leaned up and kissed Billy softly before pulling Charlie over and pressing a similar kiss to his lips.  
  
Charlie kissed Don, then turned to kiss Billy, softly, hesitantly.  
  
"It's okay," Don whispered, encouraging them quietly. He knew it might be awkward for a while, but he didn't want to lose what the three of them had together.  
  
Billy reached up to caress Charlie's face gently as he accepted the kiss. "I'm sorry," he murmured.  
  
"Me too." He kissed Billy again and reached over to squeeze Don's hand.  
  
Don had been kneeling in front of Billy, but now he rocked back on his heels and stood, pulling both Billy and Charlie up with him. He stood in front of Billy and pulled Charlie behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist as he pulled Billy close. "I think we need to spend some time together now," he said softly, sliding a hand up Billy's arm to his neck, pulling him down for a long, deep, passionate kiss.  
  
Billy groaned softly and returned Don's kiss just as passionately.  
  
As soon as the kiss was broken, Don turned in Charlie's arms and claimed his lips with equal fervor. He smiled into the kiss when Billy's arms wrapped around his waist.  
  
"Who's in the middle this time?" Charlie asked softly. He nipped Don's chin, his hand caressing Billy's arm.  
  
"Billy. He should know exactly how much we value him." Don said at once, turning lightly. "If that's okay?"  
  
Billy licked his lips. "Yeah. Yes, that's--wonderful," he said huskily.  
  
Don grinned and then pulled Charlie next to him so they were flanking Billy a little. "So then I guess the question is, who do you want on the bottom and who do you want on top?" His fingers found their way under the hem of Charlie's shirt, caressing the skin lightly, teasingly.  
  
"You on top. Charlie on the bottom." He had to remind himself not to make it a question, not to make it sound like he was seeking permission.  
  
"Works for me," Don said, using two fingers on the side of Charlie's jaw to turn his head toward him before kissing him deeply. "That okay with you, buddy?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm good with that." He smiled and kissed Don again before turning his attention to Billy.  
  
Billy was still a little cautious as Charlie stepped into his arms, placing soft kisses along his neck until he reached his lips. His hands caressed Charlie's back, but he made no move to bring Charlie closer.  
  
Don watched closely and then circled around behind Billy, slipping his arms around his waist, his hands under his shirt, to tease at the warm flesh. "Relax. I'm okay." It wasn't permission, just an affirmation that things would eventually return to normal, and this was a good step.   
  
Groaning softly at the feel of both Eppes wrapped around him, Billy finally did pull Charlie closer, claiming his mouth more firmly as his hands slid down to cup Charlie's ass.  
  
Charlie moaned and wrapped his arms around Billy, pulling him flush against his own body. "Fuck me," he whispered in Billy's ear. "Hard."  
  
"Read my mind," Billy purred, starting to walk him backwards toward the bedroom, grabbing Don's wrist with one hand and pulling him along. Once inside, the three of them worked together to strip each other as quickly as possible, trading needy touches and hungry kisses along the way. Finally, Billy backed Charlie the rest of the way to the bed, landing with him in a heap. "God, I need you," he growled, reaching for the lubricant.  
  
Don was pressed along his back, his hands kneading his muscles, his lips blazing a trail across his shoulders. He bit lightly just as he slipped two slick fingers inside Charlie, making him cry out.  
  
"Billy," Charlie groaned, spreading his legs as wide as he could. His fingers dug into Billy's back and he nipped at his shoulder. His hips were already bucking up, his aching cock begging to be touched, fondled or sucked.  
  
"Suck him," Don growled in Billy's ear. "Wanna see those pretty lips of your wrapped around his cock before I give you the fucking you deserve."  
  
Billy groaned, slipping another finger deep into Charlie as he sucked the head of his cock into his mouth, tongue teasing at the slit.  
  
Charlie wailed as Billy teased him, Billy's hand on his hip the only thing keeping him from bucking up into that wet heat. He writhed, his toes digging into the sheets.  
  
"God, Charlie," Don groaned, pausing in his teasing just long enough to admire his brother's body as it responded to Billy.  
  
Charlie moaned at the sound of Don's voice. "Please!"  
  
Unable to resist any more, Billy quickly finished prepping Charlie, sucking him in earnest, before lining up and sliding deep inside him. Charlie's fingers dug into his shoulders, but he could barely feel it with the overwhelming sensation of being inside that tight heat. He was aware of Don's fingers inside him peripherally. What mattered at the moment was Charlie. He wrapped his hands around his hips, pulling almost all the way out and nearly slamming home.  
  
Don managed to keep up with Billy, finishing preparing him as he started to fuck Charlie in earnest, hard, the way he wanted, and he placed a hand on the small of Billy's back to get him to pause for just a moment. He could feel Billy's legs quivering as he seated himself deep in Billy's body, making Billy moan with the added sensation.  
  
Charlie moaned and whimpered, crying out incoherently as Billy fucked him and Don fucked them both. He nipped, licked and sucked all the skin closet to him. He couldn't tell if it was Don or Billy he was tasting and he didn't care.  
  
Billy started to lose track of hands and lips as the sensations threatened to swamp him entirely. Don was growling dirty, filthy words in his ear and between that and the sounds Charlie was making, he was nearly done for.   
  
"Fuck, I can feel how close you are," Don whispered, warm breath ghosting over Billy's skin. "Come on. Come for me."  
  
Billy thrust hard into Charlie twice more before he came with a grunt. It pushed Charlie over and pulled Don along with him.  
  
"Holy shit," Billy murmured, barely holding his weight and Don's off of Charlie.  
  
"Yeah," Don agreed breathlessly, pulling out of Billy as gently as he could and flopping next to them on the bed. As Billy slipped out of Charlie, he claimed Charlie's lips softly. "You okay?"  
  
Charlie returned the kiss gently. "I'm better than good."  
  
"That's what I like to hear," Don said, pulling Charlie close and kissing him more thoroughly.  
  
Billy allowed them some time together while he caught his breath, but then he curled himself around Charlie, kissing the back of his neck. "Me too."  
  
Charlie smiled, one arm on Billy's leg, the other wrapped around Don. "Are we a little better?"  
  
Billy met Don's eyes over Charlie's shoulder for a moment before answering. "I know I feel better," he said quietly. "About everything."  
  
Nodding slowly, Don agreed. "Yeah. Yeah, we're a little better. And we're definitely heading the right direction." He pushed himself up on his elbow and leaned over Charlie's prone form to capture Billy's mouth.  
  
"I'm really glad you decided to stay," he murmured against his lips.  
  
"Me too," Charlie said softly.   
  
"I'm glad we could work things out," Billy agreed.  
  
Don settled back against the mattress, pulling Charlie close until he could rest his head against his shoulder. He placed his hand on top of Billy's where it was resting on Charlie's hip. "I love you both so much," he said, his voice quiet and low. "I can't imagine my life without either of you."  
  
"Me either," Charlie murmured. "And I don't want to have to."  
  
"You two are my life," Billy said. "And I'm yours until we decide together otherwise."   
  
"Good, so you'll be here forever then," Charlie said immediately.  
  
"Well--"  
  
"Forever," Don interrupted whatever Billy was about to say, running his fingertips down his cheek.   
  
Billy chuckled lightly. "Forever. Always."   
  
He kissed Don and Charlie in turn, sealing his promise.  
  
"Mmm. Sleep now," Charlie said softly. "Wake up and have more sex in the morning. Just not too early."  
  
"Good thing we're off tomorrow," Billy chuckled, snuggling down against Charlie, more than happy to comply with his demand for sleep and more sex.  
  
Don laughed and kissed Charlie affectionately. "Sounds like a good plan, then." He wrapped himself as much around Charlie and Billy as he could, keeping them close as he drifted off to sleep.


End file.
